If you’re one of the select few couples that decided to take your relationship on the road, then you might already know that you’re in for a bit of turbulence. Relationships and RVs aren’t all that different. If you aren’t willing to work on daily and long-term maintenance, then things aren’t bound to age well. But if you’re in it for the long haul, then you will likely come out the other end better than ever.
Relationships are a trip – it’s best to have a map. Here are our top tips for couples who travel full-time:
Pick up after yourself
At first glance, this piece of advice could apply to anyone in almost any living situation. When clutter builds up, it can become overwhelming and distracting to your everyday functioning. However, we know this is a prominent point of contention among many couples. The advice applies even more heavily when you are living in close quarters. The tiniest amount of clutter that might not have phased you in a house (or even an apartment) will make your RV, trailer, or van feel cramped and dirty.
If you’re the type to argue about someone leaving messes behind and letting things get messy throughout the week, then it’s best to get expectations sorted out before downsizing.
Define your roles
No, we are not talking about gender roles – just RV roles. There are a few key differences in upkeep for daily life in an RV or on the road. We lived on a farm without water or sewer hookup when we first moved into our rig. So, it was a common task to drain the black or gray tanks and fill the fresh tank. In this situation, the job was expected to be performed by the person who arrived home from work first. In other cases, it might be best to assign certain tasks to one person.
Now that we are on the road, we pick up and move at least once a month. There are quite a few steps involved in getting things ready to move. We naturally fell into having Adam assigned to outside pack up and Christa assigned to indoor pick-up. We trade off every now and again to refresh on all the steps to make sure we both can do each task individually if ever need be. But, defining our roles and what is expected from each of us is helpful so that we aren’t stepping on each other’s toes or wasting time getting in each other’s way. It’s efficient and avoids unnecessary spats if one of you wakes up on the wrong side of the bed and isn’t in the mood for a moving day.
Put someone in charge
Just like defining roles helps with efficiency and cohesiveness, so does putting someone in charge. When there are tasks that require both of you to work together, it’s best to decide before getting started who is the “boss” of the project. Since deciding to travel full-time, we have had countless repairs and remodels that have pushed us both out of our comfort zones and had us scratching our heads. It’s easy to get into small arguments when two people can’t decide how to go about something neither of you has done before.
When we started our initial remodel of the RV, we got into our fair share of pointless spats that accomplished nothing but wasting time. If we had just put one of us in charge instead of both of us trying to lead the project in a different direction, things would have gone much smoother. Just imagine tying a rope to two people’s waists and telling them to walk. Depending on the direction they were facing, things might not go so well. But, if you tie that same rope to two people and tell one of them to follow the other things are already off to a better start.
Deciding who is in charge is as simple as talking beforehand. If someone had more time to research the project or it best fits their skills, then let your ego go and have them lead. That doesn’t mean you can’t make suggestions, and it also doesn’t mean their plans will always work out the best. This is where it just comes down to being kind to one another and remembering that you would want grace if the roles were flipped.
Communicate on the day-to-day
When living in close quarters, it can be easy to fall into the trap of assuming you know how each other’s day went or how the other person is doing in general. Because everyone communicates differently, it is never best to assume you know anything about each other’s current inner workings. Just because you work ten feet apart doesn’t mean you know what their workday looked like from the inside.
When we used to work at separate offices, it was easy to come home and ask, “how was your day?” You had an awareness that your significant other’s day was full of things you weren’t there for. Now, because of close living and working quarters, it’s important to remember that you should still ask and check in with your partner. Don’t just assume if something is important, they will tell you. Even if they will, asking shows that you care and will encourage more communication in the future.
Touch base on the big stuff
Just like communicating on the small things is important and can often be overlooked, so can touching base on the larger scale items in your life – namely living in a moving vehicle. Just because you decided you wanted to live the remote travel life at one point in time doesn’t mean things won’t change down the road. It’s important to check in and see if this lifestyle is still working for both involved.
Last summer, we traveled at a breakneck pace, moving almost once a week or every other week for three whole months. Considering that we were working full-time and trying to see all the places we were going to, things got a bit crazy. We both felt super burnt out and needed to take a step back and reevaluate. At the time, we both questioned how much longer we wanted to travel for – and decided it was best to slow down the pace before making any decisions. Now that we settled back into traveling once a month, we have really hit our stride.
The most important thing is that we talked about it and came up with a plan on which we could agree. This lifestyle has fantastic things to offer, but it doesn’t come without extra work to make things happen. Checking in and making sure you’re both happy and living the life you envisioned is always important.
Take time for yourself
Living in close quarters is one thing, but on the road, you are often away from most of the other people you know. It is essential in any relationship to have “me-time” but even more so when you aren’t getting much time apart or with other people. Take advantage of modern technology and stay in touch with your family and friends – don’t live your life in a bubble with only one other person.
Outside of staying in touch with other loved ones, make sure you are taking time to just be by yourself. Pursue independent hobbies and complete chores on your own. It’s important to feel rewarded as an individual and not just as a couple.
Just like Adam enjoys playing hacky sack, I love cooking by myself. We enjoy our hobbies together sometimes, but for the most part, we enjoy having individual interests that we can pursue independently.
Keep things in balance
When you are on the road, it can be easy to feel pressure to get outside and explore new locations on an almost constant basis. When we first started traveling full-time, we had difficulty knowing when to take some downtime to just stay in. It was easy to never feel relaxed watching a movie when you’re constantly living in a new city. Eventually, we’ve come to terms with a certain level of FOMO while living on the road. Because while we love to travel and have new experiences, we also enjoy staying in and spending some time together to just rest.
The same can be true in the opposite direction, however. We’ve had long days and weeks working remotely where it feels like we haven’t stepped out of the RV and away from our computers. Living in a small area can become stressful when you haven’t gotten out in a few days – that’s why we always prioritize getting out to do something, even if it’s small. Walking the dogs, trying a new restaurant, going on a short hike – just because everything can’t be a big adventure doesn’t mean mini-adventures should be overlooked.
Embrace your life
So many people tell us how lucky we are to be doing what we do. But just like any other person, it can be easy to grow accustomed to your blessings and lose sight of everything you have. This life offers so much freedom and opportunity to enjoy the day-to-day, but sometimes we forget. It’s important to remember how you envisioned this lifestyle before it was a reality, and do something every day to make it a little bit closer to what you wanted. Going to the pool or beach on your lunch break (even if it’s just for 15 minutes – that’s 15 minutes well spent), having lunch together because you can, playing with your dog mid-day, kissing your partner when you take a short break – there are so many small things you would miss if you went back to working in an office away from your family.
Don’t get so caught up in the monotony that you forget why you chose this lifestyle and your partner to share it with. Odds are, if you are reading this, you are lucky in more ways than you often give mind to. There is so much potential when the road is at your feet, and you are fortunate enough to experience it all with someone you love.
